


The Daily Life Of A Phantom Thief (featuring: Finding yourself, getting a daughter(?), and much much more!)

by Okamira



Category: Cookie Run (Video Game)
Genre: ? - Freeform, AAA - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Themes, Mystery, Roguefort Cookie Goes By He/him they/them, Roguefort's hair makes me fuckin-, Rouguefort Cookie may or may not be gay, Still, Walnut has appeared yall, anyways hes kinda clumsy with his hair down, bro i am, but one thing we do know is that hes fabulous, headcanons are everywhere, just vibing, let walnut cookie say fuck, please help me i have no idea what im doing, she doesnt appear yet but, some minor cursing cuz hes an adult yknow, that shit goes down to his feet, walnut cookie is a cHILD here so no shipping pls and thanks, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:02:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27487000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okamira/pseuds/Okamira
Summary: Roguefort Cookie is a well known thief, but even world famous thieves need some down time. And that's what this fic is about! Mostly. These aren't oneshots, really. But it isn't a full cohesive story either. I'm just going with the flow, y'know?suggestions for characters/headcanons/scenarios/relationships is welcomed in the comments! Comments fuel my motivation to write so p le asealso if you suggest a character/relationship please tell me where to read up on them because the cookie run wiki isnt the most helpful sometimes pls and thanks mwuah
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Roguefort Cookie & Walnut Cookie (Cookie Run)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 42





	1. Cat Eyes | Chapter One

Perched on top of a building was a certain cookie, long cream colored hair with aqua blue streaks running through blowing in the wind. The cookie was watching the police swarm a museum, shouting orders among the confusion and panic. No doubt from the fact that one of the most precious jewels has just been stolen. 

Once the cookie noticed the small figure of a certain detective, they giggled and turned around, disappearing into the night. 

\-----------------------------

Rougefort Cookie collapsed onto his couch, letting out a sigh. He was tired, that was obvious. This heist was a success, but Lord Crumbles III accidentally tripped an alarm, which resulted in them both having to retreat with only two of the gems he was planning on nabbing that night. 

Speaking of the cheese cat, she hopped up onto his stomach with a purpose, sniffing at her owner’s nose. Roguefort huffed, narrowing her eyes at him. “No, can't you see i'm upset with you?” he muttered, borderline pouting like the man child he is. Crumbles only cocked her head and purred, staring down at him with big doe eyes. 

Owner and pet stared at each other for at least a minute before Roguefort caved in, suddenly letting out a bunch of coos as he sat up, scooping his beloved pet into his arms. “Gah! You evil creature! You know I can't resist forgiving you when you do that!” He said, hugging the cat close to his chest. “C’mere you silly thing!” he purred out, hopping up from his couch to hop over to the kitchen. 

Crumbles let out mews and purrs, enjoying the warmth of her owner for a bit before slipping out of his grasp, jumping onto his shoulder to hide in his hair. When he had gotten home he let his hair fall free, so it was now down to his feet. It's a wonder how he hasn’t tripped yet- 

Almost on cue, he tripped, yelping as his face met the hardwood floor. Hard. It seemed that Lord Crumbles III noticed this was going to inevitably happen, and avoided it wisely. Great. Groaning softly, Roguefort got onto his knees, rubbing at his forehead. How graceful… 

Slowly standing up, he sighed, grabbing a good chunk of his slightly curly hair. This time, he held up his hair as he walked, ignoring the amused purr coming from his cat. Smug ass,,, He grumbled and finally made it to his destination, letting go of his hair. Roguefort grabbed his beloved cat and placed her on the counter, grabbing a can of wet food from one of the cabinets. 

Lord Crumbles III immediately started letting out thrills and purrs, rubbing herself on Roguefort’s shirt. This would leave some cheese dust and fur behind, but oh well. He was willing to sacrifice some shirts for his cat. Plus he had enough money for some good ass dry cleaning, perks of living in a mansion and being a thief. Humming, he took the can of wet food to his can opener, quickly cranking it open. Crumbles was obviously excited, purring and leaping over to the side of the counter to get to the food. Before it was open completely the overly eager cat swiped at the can, effectively knocking it out of his grasp.

“Ah-” Roguefort stepped back in slight surprise, watchin Crumbles fit her head in the can that was mostly opened. He was worried that she might cut herself on the metal, but Crumbles let out a low ‘mrrrr’ every time he tried to get his hand close. She was smart enough to not get hurt…

Watching Lord Crumbles III scarf down the wet food, he smiled, leaning on the counter as he stared. It reminded him of the first time he met the small mischievous cat. 

It was at least a month into his debut as a phantom thief, he had snuck into a rich couple’s home. They were selfish and big- ahem, excuse his language but they were huge assholes. There was no way to sugar coat it. 

They were involved with some sort of animal breeding ring or something,,, He couldn’t remember the details. But along with stealing some family heirlooms he managed to find evidence for the illegal activity behind the scene and sent it to the police. No one knows he did that though, and he plans to keep it that way. Crumbles had managed to hide in his hair as he left, and it was too late to bring back the sneaky kitty, so he ended up adopting the furball. They’ve been attached to the hip ever since. 

At first he thought she was a he, and it was a while till he realised his tomcat was actually a gal. It was already too late to change her name from Lord Crumbles III,, but who's to say that a girl cat can't be called that? 

A sudden clang brought Roguefort out of his thoughts, blinking in surprise. Looking down he noticed the shiny, now empty can of cat food. Wow. She had finished that already? Furrowing his eyebrows, he reached over to the smug cat and poked at her pudgy stomach, ignoring the small bit of cheese dust on his finger. “You’re not starving you idiot, stop acting like it.” He muttered, huffing slightly before he bends over to pick up the empty can. 

Crumbles let out a long meow, rolling over onto her back as she swatted at the air. Ignoring that adorable action he quickly threw away the can and made his way up to his room, gracefully leaping across around three steps every time till he got to the second floor. 

Roguefort smiled victoriously as he landed on the last step, quickly moving across the floor to his bedroom. He made sure to watch where he stepped as well, not wanting to repeat his ‘majestic’ display from downstairs. 

Crumbles had noticed her owner had left soon enough, and he could hear her soft pitter patters on the carpet as she hopped up the stairs, not wanting to be without him for long. 

He opened the door, letting the cat in first before following in, closing the door afterwards.   
After doing his nightly routine (which was always around 3AM) he plopped onto the bed, stretching with a small yawn. Stealing takes a lot out of a cookie y’know? He felt the small weight of his beloved cat suddenly appear to the side of him, though he didnt react, waiting for her to curl up on or next to him to sleep. Once she stopped moving, he let out a soft hum, hooking an arm around her and holding her close, closing his eyes.

He quickly fell asleep to the gentle purrs of Crumbles, a smile on his face.


	2. A Little Bit of Love Goes a Long Way | Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roguefort goes out, and Lord Crumbles III goes on a small improv comfort mission.

A loud meow startled Roguefort Cookie awake, head shooting up from their comfortable pillow. “Wh-” they blinked, looking at Lord Crumbles III who was sitting on his chest, looking up at them expectantly. They let out a sigh, reaching up to swipe away some hair that was in their face. This happened almost every morning, the cheesy cat wanting attention whenever she wanted, especially right when she woke up. 

“Baby, darling, the love of my life…” They muttered, squeezing their eyes shut as they picked up the cat, drowsily sitting up. “...can we not?” They were tired, and wanted to sleep in at least… they opened their eyes, peering over at the clock hung in their room, 30 minutes more. It was around 7AM when the news channel that covers their case started to do stuff, and they didn't want to miss, especially because of the heist last night. Sure, they could always look it up later but they liked to get the raw experience. 

That sounded weird. Anyways… 

They turned their attention back to the cat they were holding, who was wiggling around, trying to break free. “Fine…” Roguefort sighed, sitting up all the way before gently setting the feline down on the ground, soon hopping up after her. They stretched and yawned, slowly making their way over to their walk in dresser. Might as well get dressed… They were thinking of some more comfy clothes for today. They weren’t planning on going out much today anyways, perhaps a quick trip to the store…

Roguefort quickly took off their night gear, (A button up shirt and underwear, pretty basic as they didnt feel like changing out of all their clothes last night. Too tired) and tossed it in the hamper across the room, smiling victoriously. They then went into their walk-in closet, looking for a casual outfit no one would suspect them to be the famous thief all over TV. They settled on a simple turtleneck sweater and jeans, as well as his trusty hat and bag, tucked safely under his arm. With a smile to his body length mirror he left to the bathroom, hearing Lord Crumbles yawn and lazily follow after him. 

His long hair dragged on the floor, and he had to stare down to make sure he didn’t trip, running a hand though a chunk of the thick hair. Letting out a slightly annoyed hum, he entered the bathroom and immediately started working on his hair. The thick and cheesy hair wasn’t easy maintenance, especially with the mold. If he gets rid of the mold he gets sick, that and he looks weird. It's not like there's special hair products for his kind of cheese anyways, one of a kind since his family is nonexistent. He had to make due with what he had, and the occasional trip to Alchemist Cookie to steal some of her potions, though he had to be careful. One time he grabbed the wrong one and was tiny for a whole week. At least no one would’ve seen him on cameras?

After fighting his hair for what was about an hour, he finally got it into a simple ponytail, completely untangled. The thief patted his own hair for a moment, smiling at the softness before walking out and down to the kitchen, sliding down the stairwell’s rails. 

He hummed as he picked up some premium cat food, not having time to fix his kitten food for today, and shoving it in his bag. If she got hungry, she would tell him. Lord Crumbles III is a very smart kitty after all. Roguefort clicked his tongue three times and opened his bag, and as he was expecting Crumbles ran into the room, leaping into the open bag eagerly. He smiled, watching as the cat got comfy for a moment before going to his front door, putting on his boots, and heading outside. 

\-------

Roguefort hated going to the store, too many people for his liking. Unfortunately it was a necessary part of life, stealing food from innocent people is something he won’t do for multiple reasons. Putting up a smile and adjusting his glasses as he approached Spinach Cookie. Gotta stay healthy when you perform heists yknow? 

“Hello Camembert Cookie!” She chirped, giving a wave. Ah right, he had forgotten he gave others a fake name. He's honestly surprised that no one realized ‘camembert’ cookie was actually him, they’re both cheese with mold after all. Guess he's lucky everyone here is oblivious to his true identity. Giving a nod he smiled, raising to put his hand on his chin to think. “Greetings! Ah, what a great gathering of vegetables you have today! hm…”

As he spoke Lord Crumbles III hops out of his bag, landing on the ground with a certain elegance and purpose. She gently brushed against the legs of her owner before silently walking off with a purr, fluffy tail standing up. Roguefort glanced behind him to watch the cat leave for a moment before turning his attention back to Lettuce cookie, smiling as he continued the conversation.

He had full faith in Crumbles to not get into any trouble. 

And what did Crumbles do? Get in trouble. 

The cheese feline hopped place to place, running across a brick wall throughout a new neighborhood. It seemed like it was a more well off area, not rich per se, but filled with cookies loving comfortably. She huffed through her nose before pausing, smelling the familiar scent of a certain cookie. 

Walnuts. 

Cautiously, she hopped off the wall and walked over to a building, peeking her head around the corner once she heard sniffles. It seemed her assumption was correct. 

Sitting on the porch of a house was the small form of Walnut Cookie, her head buried into her arms as she sat down on a table. Her hat was off and her hair was a mess, the most notable thing was that she was also wearing casual clothes, which was strange to see. Sure, she assumed that Walnut didn't always wear her detective gear, but it was still… new. 

Crumbles carefully walked up to the steps of the porch before letting out a small meow, making Walnut's head snap up. Once her eyes found the cat she jolted up with a gasp, pointing a finger at the feline. "You!" Crumbles blinked. Right, she had forgotten the cookie knew what she looked like and would actively try and catch her. Roguefort would be sooo proud. (The sarcasm in her thoughts made her tail droop) 

Walnut Cookie jumped off the porch to try and get Lord Crumbles III, but she was too fast, hopping to the side with ease. This familiar chase continued for almost a full minute before Walnut's movements slowed to a full stop. Taking a few steps back she sat on the steps to her porch, sighing. "Whats the point… ill never catch you guys anyways…" she muttered, a few tears escaping her eyes. 

Oh, was that what this was about? Damn, she just made this worse didn't she? Crumbles slowly walked towards Walnut before letting out a small meow, sitting down on the ground next to her.

"Wha-" Walnut Cookie blinked, looking at the cat with great confusion. "What are you doing….? I could catch you so easily now!" 

Lord Crumbles just stared at her with her wide and intelligent yellow eyes, a clear message in them. 

'I trust you.' 

That made Walnut's eyes water. She couldn't just betray this obvious act of trust. She didn’t even deserve it! It was her job to catch them! 

Well… technically, she isn't working right now…

With that thought on her mind, Walnut Cookie reached out hesitantly, but stopped before she could make contact with the cat. This was a bad idea, she should-

Before she could do anything else, Lord Crumbles III pressed her head into her hand, a soft purr coming from her. Oh. Oh wow. She was… really soft. 

Walnut Cookie smiled softly, wiping at her face with her other arm before reaching over to pick up the cat, gently setting her in her lap for more pats. Crumbles let this happen, brushing her side up against Walnut's shirt. 

"This is… nice." Walnut muttered, smiling softly as she scratched behind her ear. "You're not that bad, thief." 

Crumbles knew she was the best at comfort snuggles. After all when Roguefort was younger he had quite the problem with nightmares, somehow just holding her managed to calm him down. So ever since she could magic away bad emotions, whenever she sensed he was in a bad mood she just hopped into his lap and asked for pats! Works every time, and it seemed that Walnut Cookie also fell into that category. Good. 

She was going to make sure the people she cared about would be happy no matter what. And that included the little detective. 

\-------

When Crumbles returned to Roguefort's side, they didn't question why she looked so satisfied, only raising a confused eyebrow before carrying out the rest of their day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long!!! School sucks and i got stuck on what to write for a while. In the end, i actually kinda like this chapter to be honest. I hope you all liked it too!
> 
> remember, comments fuel my urge to write, and if you have any ideas dont be afraid to throw some my way! I already have some small ideas and interactions in my head but some more small ideas would be great too. Any headcanons for Roguefort and the gang? Send em in! ill consider putting them in! buhbye yall! Im gonna go pass out now lmao

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment i need it to survive. thank u mwuah


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